My New Year’s Irresolution One Week Later, Or, The Philosophy of Narcissism.
By Robert Whyte
I’ve got way more New Year’s resolutions than you
and I’m halfway through getting them done already
but it’s not a competition heaven forbid
How many have you done? I’m up to number 99
But who’s counting?
I’ve got reasons to be cheerful, but I’m not.
They tell me it’s just creeping menace
I’m not sure what that means to be honest
Of course there’s built in obsolescence
Where’s my trade-in?
I’m not getting much joy with other people
I might just chat with the guy in the mirror
It’s not Narcissus, or his missus, it’s just me
It’s natural to have this locked-in feeling
They tell me: Why not?
Everyone is locked in, it would be dangerous
any other way, you might leak out your ears
or spill yourself down the front of your shirt
the sort of stain you’re never going to get out
But who’s complaining?
Not me, I just caught the eye of that guy in the mirror
He cute, and well adjusted, and all round easy-going
Not the sort of person who’s going to show you up
By getting his resolutions done before you even start
That’s my type of man.
AGAINST PROFESSIONAL PHILOSOPHY REDUX 224
Mr Nemo, W, X, Y, & Z, Tuesday 8 January 2019
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